Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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