His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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