No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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