why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
