ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
too bad you live with your parents still
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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