2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
