Umm I'm too high to move.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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