Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
