I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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