I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
