so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
