I hope my margaritas pass through security.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
