smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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