youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
