why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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