i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
