So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
me + whiskey = a bad person
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
