theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
