Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
