WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize