Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
