I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
