You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
