I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
