He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How does one acquire holy water?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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