She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
