And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
