Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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