Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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