At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
