remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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