i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Randomize
