my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who died my cat blue again?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
