...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
