I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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