Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
