I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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