So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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