i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
