Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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