Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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