Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
