just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So many bounce houses so little time
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
