I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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