yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize