Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
