If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dignity is for republicans.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
