Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
