Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
