So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
