I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize