I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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