Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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