The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
