Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
