The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
