I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
