so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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