You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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