I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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