Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
