He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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