He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
