YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
