I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
