Please, let me fuck your mom
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
