I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
