So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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