New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
