sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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